Carnage

1983

Starring: Michael Chiodo as Jonathan, Leslie Den Dooven as Carol, and well, who cares?

J-Rock's Review:
A 1986 Nissan Sentra, of 5 skulls

This one is just boring as hell. Nothing happens! It's about a newlywed couple who moves into a house where the previous newlyweds had committed suicide (as recreated with a cap gun). The protagonists just stand around and get scared by stupid effects, like windows closing and phones hanging themselves up. Ooooo.

Watch Carnage and see a table lamp MOVE!
SEE a lawn gnome TURN!
SEE windows close THEMSELVES!
SEE records PLAY!
SEE a tennis racket MOVE!
HEAR a polka rendition of Elvis' "It's Now or Never"! (seriously)
HEAR "Here Comes the Bride" OVER and OVER!

God this movie is awful...those are seriously things that happen and are supposed to be scary. There is one funny scene, where a would-be robber gets disemboweled by the house. At the end, the husband shoots his wife just like the previous one did...with a cap gun - no recoil, and her head doesn't move. Crappy effects and terrible editing make this snooze-fest unwatchable. I especially loved how the kitchen was fully stocked when they moved into their house.

For more information (you loser) from the IMDb: Carnage