Friday, December 31, 2004

Day of the Dead (1985)


Written and directed by George A. Romero

Starring: Lori Cardille as Sarah, Terry Alexander as John, Joseph Pilato as Capt. Rhodes, Anthony Dileo Jr. as Pvt. Miguel Salazar, Richard Liberty as Dr. Logan, Gary Howard Klar as Pvt. Steel, and Sherman Howard as Bub the Zombie!!

J-Rock's Review: Yummy!

The third film in George Romero's original Dead trilogy is probably the weakest, but it's still pretty cool, with plenty of gore and guts and racial slurs. At this point, these movies had become such huge cult hits that Day was released in every single country in the world. Of course in 1985, there were only about 35 countries (thanks to the stupid commies).

So to show how big an international phenomenon Day of the Dead created, I've scoured the internet and found a handful of foreign reviews of the movie - enjoy.


Je suis le meínoire doux le sous Day of the Dead, deu les Etats-Unis. C'est paix cette lemieux et monde, et con pomme fritte, alouette hebert les habitants du Móntreal. Les pinot noir du bandait nilssonex haceft les gran d'elysesse. Mon cetreaù del "Bub the Zombie" ventré giampitale, un je ne seis quo del lampeaurey! Quiste flambé a la biblitheque, est melange.

Au final: Day of the Dead -- mieux de la monde!!


Quichi delli morti com polli i frigillio, Day of the Dead est buon giorno! Cuesti timopoli desti stutti, al frangile temesti tratilli - squezello di monchitti, hahahaha!

Amocciante di la retratti con vivinti sempre ofretti della nichi. Guintissi flimpesto tanto cherubi della peperoncini calinti "Bub the Zombie" - a des veccesi!

En finiti: Day of the Dead -- Bellisimo! Manifique! Cest si bonne! Ciao!


El Día de los Muertos es la tercera película en el serie de "Zombies" de George A. Romero. En este capítulo, encontramos a una docena de sobrevivientes viviendo en un base militar abandonado, entre ellos una tropa de soldados. El líder militar se imagina como un dictador, pero sus planes se fallaron cuando el profesor loco hace experimentos en los Zombies, incluyendo el "entrenamiento" de uno llamado Bub the Zombie.

Los Estados Unidos es simplemente el mejor país en cuanto a la producción de películas de horror. En esta película las matanzas y violencia son fantásticos, y el humor que Romero siempre infunde a sus obras es perfecto.

En sumario, El Día de los Muertos es delicioso!!!

More info from IMDb: Day of the Dead

Tuesday, December 7, 2004

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer 2 - Mask of Sanity

That price tag isn't a joke. I really paid $3 for this stupid movie.


Written and directed by Chuck Parello

Starring: Neil Giuntoli as Henry, Rich Komenich (hey, that rhymes!) as Kai, Kate Walsh (hey, she's hot!) as Cricket, and Carri Levinson (hey, she's not!) as Louisa.

J-Rock's Review: Better than the first one, but still pretty awful. Bonus: Part 2 has boobs!!

Ah, what a pleasure it is to reunite with someone you haven't seen in a while. Unless that person is a sociopathic drifter who was very loosely based on an actual serial killer (at least in the first movie).

I saw the first Henry: POASK back in college, so when I saw Part 2 for sale at a soon-to-be-demolished video store on the west side of Stamford, I figured I could part with $2.95 to see some blood and guts and have a few laughs.

Let's just say I'd better hurry if I want to beat the wrecking ball and get a refund.

OK, maybe I'm being a little overcritical of Henry Part actually wasn't that horrible. I'm not saying it was great by any stretch, but it was fairly well-made and had some decent killing. And it had BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our story once again centers around Henry (duh), a lonely, angry, smelly, dirty, bitter psychopath. It's been 12 years since the last movie, so let's just assume it's been 12 years since Henry killed anyone. My guess is that in the intervening years, Henry finished his MBA and went to work for Goldman Sachs, where he made a killing on wireless IPOs and landed a huge commission in '97. He bought a brownstone on the Upper East Side, met a nice corporate attorney, and thought he'd settle down. Then the dot-com bubble burst, and Henry lost everything.

A wanderer once again, Henry ended up in Some Town, where he befriended Kai. Kai lives with his girlfriend (wife?) Cricket, who's a lot hotter than her name would imply, and Louisa, who's actually pretty hot, but because she wears glasses and knows how to read, we're supposed to think she's ugly. I think Louisa is Kai's niece, but I don't really want to watch the movie again to find out. If you really need to know, then you need to get a life.

Kai gets Henry a job--get this--delivering porta-potties to construction sites. I guess this doesn't sit well with the old Hankster; after all, the idea of a man with a college education dragging plastic shitters around is just undignified [Ed. note: the real Henry Lee Lucas never made it past the fifth grade]. Predictably, he starts killing people again. The only one I really remember is a fat guy who slipped something into Henry's beer at a party with Kai and the gang. Henry comes back and strangles the guy. Yippee.

One interesting sub-plot to this movie is Louisa's inexplicable love for Henry. Not only does he continually rebuff her advances, but HE'S A FUCKING SERIAL KILLER. Even if she didn't actually know his past, it's pretty obvious that the guy's not right, even downright anti-social. They actually briefly make Henry a sympathetic character in this flick - when he starts to feel pity and/or remorse and goes to leave, Louisa threatens to blow her brains out. Henry stays, but then later on, they all come home to find Louisa with a revolver to her head. They try to reason with her (even Henry), but she pulls the trigger and saves us all from more whining. Yippee.
Did I mention the boobies in this movie? Yessiree, Cricket shows them (through an extremely thin white t-shirt) while she's getting it on with Kai. You may recognize Cricket from The Drew Carey Show, where she played Drew's fat girlfriend, and also from Kicking and Screaming, Will Ferrell's youth soccer masterpiece. Fortunately for her, not too many people have seen this movie, or else she wouldn't be getting gigs like The Drew Carey Show.

Anyway, Henry Part 2 isn't the worst movie you could rent, but there are a lot of better ones. Sweet Home Alabama isn't one of them.

More info from IMDb: Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Part 2 - Mask of Sanity