Gore-Met, Zombie Chef from Hell

1987, Swan Films, distributed by Camp Video (seriously? Camp Video?)

Starring: Theo Depuay, Kelley Kunicki, C.W. Casey, Alan Marx, and Michael O'Neill

J-Rock's Review:
ZERO skulls of 5 skulls

This is BY FAR the worst movie I have ever seen. Truth or Dare had poor production values, but was at least enjoyable for its badness, as was Mother's Day. Gore-Met has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever:

1. It makes no sense.
2. It has bad special effects, which can usually be forgiven, but not in this case.
3. The music sucks.
4. You never see blood or violence, despite the proclamation on the box that the movie was "Too Violent to Rate."

Rob-Dogg almost fell asleep during this movie, that's how bad it is. In the middle of all this crap, there are two scenes that you might enjoy: first a cop has his head punched clean off, then the evil guy rips out another guy's heart and throws it agains a wall. Keep in mind that these scenes are both crappily done, with ridiculous editing and special effects.

If you do manage to find this flick in a video store desperate enough to rent it, you will be dumbfounded that anyone would actually put their name on this movie. However, for some inexplicable reason, Gore-Met has become something of a cult classic. Probably because it's so damn bad.

IMDb: Goremet, Zombie Chef from Hell

Hellgate

1989, Ghostown Film Management

Starring: Petrea Curren, Carel Trichardt, Evan J. Klisser, Ron Palillo, and Abigail Wolcott as Josie

J-Rock's Review:



of 5 skulls

Deplorable, despicable, horrible. Stupid, worthless, pointless. This movie is beyond hope. It has no, repeat NO, redeeming qualities. Not even the occasional boobies can save this one.

It is poorly made, it has a stupid plot, it makes no sense, the special effects are crappy. I have no idea how they could get anyone to distribute this joke.

The only part worth watching at all (and only for its laugh value) is when Lucas uses the magic crystal he found on his fish; it grows out of its bowl, then becomes a cheap, ugly hand puppet, before it explodes cheesily - one of the truly great scenes in bad cinema.

For more information, check out the IMDb: Hellgate

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer

1990, Maljack Productions

Starring: Michael Rooker as Henry, Tom Towles as Otis, and Tracy Arnold as Becky

J-Rock's Review:
of 5 skulls




On the video box, it says that Siskel and Ebert gave this movie two thumbs up. Someone also called it "The Best Film of the Year". The box also labels it as the most controversial film of the decade. Bullshit. This movie is a piece of crap. It's supposed to be a realistic portrayal of how a serial killer's mind works or something, but turns out to be a boring series of bad dialogues interrupted occasionally by a half-decent killing scene. Then the movie abruptly ends, which is probably a good thing, because any more of this stupidity would probably cause brain damage.

The only redeeming thing in this movie is the scene with the fat guy, where Henry stabs him with an electric screwdriver, then Otis smashes a TV onto his dead skull and plugs it in. Other than that, only rent this movie if you really want to laugh at the "acting" and "violence." Oh yeah, there's some incest in it for all you rednecks out there.

For more information from the IMDb: Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer